It's here. It's time. We would like to present to you the Aquinas Rap ft. Eminem, sung by an unenthusiastic and sleepy person who really didn't want to do it. It'll be a painful thing to hear, and we hope it hurts your ears just as much as it hurt the rapper's throat!

SELECT IF YOU DARE: The First Three of Five (The Aquinas Rap)


Gotcha three rules outta possible five.

The First Three of Five (Aquinas's Five Ways Rap)02:11

The First Three of Five (Aquinas's Five Ways Rap)

Gotta move, gotta cause, necessity to survive.

I ain’t gottem on my mind, so today I’m gonna tell ya.

Three rules outta five, I’m game – let’s get going, ya?


Aquinas is the guy, a playa from da south.

Classy haircut, all thought and all mouth.

Flippin’ through his scrolls, he tears ya page.

The Unmoved Mover, where atheists startta rage.

Ya see, there was a start to dis ongoin chain.

Someone moved the unmovable, the point that he mains.

The line of dominos has just one push.

It’s gotta be God, quit yappin – hush!


Movin’ on two ways, the Uncaused Causer

A confusin’ one, my I gotta tell ya.

Remember the chain? Told’ja it’d never leave us.

The core to the point. I know, no need to fuss.

In basic form, same as the line.

Think about the words, and it’ll be fine.

You made your son, you were one too.

Back to beginning, ‘twas God not baboons!


Last but ain’t least, possibility and necessity

This is hard to explain, gotta do the best of me.

Did you need to exist? Was it really just a chance?

In the end we’re just numbers, that’s the point of lance.

But if I was a chance, so was you and they.

How did it begin – the lives that we play?

Gotta be just one necessity in our lives.

Aki and me agree, God is that one single drive.


Gotcha three rules outta possible five.

Gotta move, gotta cause, necessity to survive.

So ya better keep this silly lil rap on mind,

Cause doing an accent really hurts I find…

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